Difficult conversations start with yourself

Last week I wrote about the groundhogs and realizing how fragile we are on the Farm — myself included. I also told the story of a client in a similar boat: taking it all on himself, not sharing the load.

C arrived back on the farm and within four days the groundhogs were relocated to a conservation area by a lake. Lakefront property. I suspect they’ve come out of this better than anyone. Ideally they won’t torment another farmer any time soon.

I never had the conversation with C. The learning was all mine. I’m the one stressed at the edge of overwhelm. I’ve taken on a lot this year, with many big goals. I’m an optimistic person with a great deal of capacity, but I’m still learning what it means to manage a farm by myself — and what that means about how much I can take on beyond it.

A similar coaching conversation with another client, who has just had his first child. He’s noticing his energy wanes faster than expected when he gets home from work, aiming to relieve his wife from the day’s childcare duties. It’s not as easy as he thought.

So what do we do?

We tell ourselves the truth and share the load.

The client carrying too much has to learn to share it with his team. He’s got to build the wheel. Right now he treats each person like an individual spoke — no rim connecting them through the shared challenges. Priorities are shifting for reasons outside anyone’s control, and the team needs to share, learn and manage those shifts together. When they own that challenge together, they get stronger: more able to get the work done, more able to influence the rest of the organization.

For my client with the new baby, the work is learning his true capacity. He’ll be watching his energy every day for the next few weeks — where it ebbs, where it flows — so he can redesign how he works, how he parents, and where he leaves room for play or nothing time.

I’ll do something similar. Dirt-truth conversations with good friends and advisors about what’s reasonable. A re-assessment of what’s most aligned with my business and farming goals. Then a re-focus, with a more honest view of my capacity.

The difficult conversation you think you need to have? It starts with yourself.

I’ve booked mine in for Saturday. Attendance is mandatory!.

My roses - one of the things that brings me joy. I go looking for it on the hard days - I wish I could share the smell with you all - for that, you’ll have to come out for my next events. Stay tuned.